The Random News
Your Source for Random Poop!
Murder!!!!
Recently today, pop star PUNK MAN was caught killing his pet bunny rabbit with a branch he sawed off his evergreen tree. The tree was so sad, he is now a weeping willow tree and he is leafless all year round instead of green. Punk Man was arrested by the Rabbit Police Force(RPF- Not to be mistaken for the Rehabilitation Project Force- also RPF). He will undergo serious punishment for 13.5 years, including working in a Barbie making factor and having to clean Nick(Shin-kicker man)'s toilet. The only witness to the crime, Dave Vickory, was immediately arrested at the scene of the crime when he was caught eating vaseline. That offense is illegal in all 50 states and the district of Columbia.
The Bunny's funeral is scheduled to take place in Homeroom at your school. You''ll get a day off for memorial so feel free to celebrate.
The Tree Branch, who happens to be a master criminal, is to undergo trial(AGAIN) on Tuesday November 25th at 6:45pm. Tickets are available at your local electronics store for a great price of $3.99.
Sports Central
Wedgie Wars- Yesterday, the Eagles were beaten by the Swedish Guys. The player for the Eagles, (INSERT NAME HERE), managed to wedgie 6 of his former high school teachers, while Stefan, The Swedish Guy's captain, wedgied his teachers and his opponent's teachers, reaching victory.
Foot Stomp- MexChex, our sponsor, reported that his client Jorgannibot Horginclubber, his friend, stomped on Britney Javelin's foot 64,867 times yesterday, beating Javelin's own record of 64,678.
Shin Kicker!!!- Nick, who was mentioned before, still holds this record. After his game yesterday, he has overall kicked 8,943,999,624 people in the shin.
In other news, Elrond's Star wars corner is now open. Call 911 for more details and FAQ, or visit www.ilikestarwarssomuchiamvisitingthisamazinglyawesomesite.com.
Miss Lovely's Lovely Advice Column
(Did I Mention It's Lovely?)
Dear Miss Lovely, My Boyfriend told me he drinks out of a pig's toilet. What should I do?
I say kill the son of a peasant!!!
Dear Miss Lovely, I hate eating pie but my Grandma force feeds it to me... plus I am Berlin Hilton, the famous hotel owner's daughter so I deserve help.
No. You are a stupid crappy celebrity.
Vote Nick for Evil Dictator and recieve:
- A Kick in the Shin
- A Wedgie
- 'An Insult
- A Sniff in the Butt
- An Armed Robbery Every Day
- A Punch in the Gut
- A Burp in the Face
- A Bowl Full of Purified Donkey Sweat
- A Pile of Homework
- And Many More Amazing Surprises!
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